Subject: The Bible According to Kids
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Sat Dec 01 2001 - 02:45:33 EST
"The Bible According to Kids"
The cute statements below are said to have
been written by actual students and are genuine,
authentic and not retouched or corrected:
1. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
2. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball
of fire by night.
4. Samson was a strongman who let himself be
led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
5. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of
the Apostles.
6. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.
7. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide
to get the ten amendments.
8. The first commandment was when Eve told
Adam to eat the apple.
9. The fifth commandment is to humor thy father
and mother.
10. Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
11. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of
Geritol.
12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua
told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.
14. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people
who lived in Biblical times.
15. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives
and 700 porcupines.
16. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate
contraption.
17. St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his
[Jesus'] head.
18. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says
to do one to others before they do one to you.
19. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat
alone."
20. The people who followed the Lord were called the
12 decibels.
21. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
22. One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was
also a taximan.
23. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached
holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
24. A Christian should have only one spouse. This is
called monotony.
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