Subject: Courtesy of George Carlin?
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Thu Aug 30 2001 - 07:55:33 EDT
"Courtesy of George Carlin?"
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around
several times, does he become disoriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't
people from Holland called Holes?
3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's
a whack?
4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy
adultery?
5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts,"
and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other
penny?
8. Why is the man who invests all your money called
a broker?
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just
stale bread to begin with.
10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist
but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the
English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest
sentence?
16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked,
doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted,
musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models
deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners
depressed?
17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it
Fed UP?
18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses
of bald men?
20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the
Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned
on me .. they're cramming for their final exam.
21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with
tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do
Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post
Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them?
Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage
stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they
delivered the mail?
23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what
exactly are the others here for?
24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
25. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
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