Subject: Upgrading to BoyFriend 4.0'
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Sun Aug 19 2001 - 02:59:17 EDT
"Night On The Town"
George took Francesca to dinner at a really posh
restaurant. They walked in, were ushered to a table
by a formally dressed maitre d', and sat down at a
table on which were displayed the finest china and
crystal.
Taking the damask napkin from the solid silver
napkin ring, George unfolded it, put it around his
neck and proceeded to tie a knot in the back.
Staring at him, the maitre d' said, between gritted
teeth, "Sir, will you be having a shave or a haircut?"
***************************
"Upgrading to 'BoyFriend 4.0'"
Last year, many women upgraded their
BoyFriend 3.1 to BoyFriend PLUS 1.0
(marketing name: FIANCE 1.0) and then further
upgraded FIANCE 1.0 to HUSBAND 1.0.
They found that 1.0 is a memory hog and
incompatible to many other programs in their lives.
HUSBAND 1.0 includes plug-ins such as
MOTHER-IN-LAW, BROTHER-IN-LAW, and
ANNOYING LOSER FRIENDS although market
research has clearly shown that they are
unnecessary and unwanted.
The upcoming BoyFriend 4.0 will change all
that. Created by leading experts in the field and
based upon years of research and classroom
lectures, it includes the best of the old features,
such as the HANDYMAN FUNCTION, and includes
many new functions such as the OPTIONAL
COMMITMENT FEATURE.
Other immature functions, such as BEER
GUZZLING and CAT CALLING have been removed,
though they can still be found on FRATBOY 1.1
BoyFriend 4.0 will include:
- An AUTOMATIC REMINDER BUTTON AND
PAY ATTENTION FEATURE
(so I don't have to repeat myself)
- MINIMIZE BUTTON
- SHUTDOWN FEATURE
- SHOPPING FUNCTION
- A BACK-UP ENERGY SUPPLY, so it won't fall
asleep after bedroom activities :)~~ !!
- A LAUNDRY, COOKING, & HOUSECLEANING
FUNCTION
- DIAPER-CHANGING FUNCTION, for the more
advanced users
- A SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE, so once it's
uninstalled, it won't come back
- A MONOGAMY FEATURE
- AUTOMATIC OVERRIDE that kicks in right before
they're about to say ANYTHING even remotely stupid
***** BUG WARNING ********
All previous versions of BoyFriend are inaccessible on
Sunday afternoons and Monday nights during the football
season. We are trying to rectify this but it seems to be
a problem inherent within the programming.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b28 : Sat Sep 01 2001 - 00:00:02 EDT