Subject: Practice For A Hospital Visit
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Thu Aug 16 2001 - 07:22:03 EDT
"Doctor's Fee"
In a fancy restaurant in Columbia, a Yuppie
started to choke on a bone. A man rushed
over, reassured the Yuppie that he was going
to be all right and identified himself as a doctor.
He performed the Heimlich Maneuver. The
bone popped out.
As the man's breath & voice returned he said,
"I'm ever so grateful doctor, how can I ever
repay you?"
The doctor smiled and said, "I'll settle for
one-tenth of what you were willing to pay
while you were choking."
************************
"Practice For A Hospital Visit"
1. Lie nude on the front lawn and ask the weed man
to probe you with his applicator.
2. Drink a quart of Sherwin-Williams Eggshell One-
Coat Coverage Interior Flat White #2. Then have
your child stuff his slinky down your throat.
3. Put a real estate agent's 'Open House' sign on
your front yard and lie on your bed dressed in a paper
napkin with straws stuck up your nose.
4. Put your hand down the garbage disposal while
practicing your smile and repeating: "mild discomfort."
5. Set your alarm to go off every ten minutes from ten
PM to seven AM, at which times you will alternately
puncture your wrist with a Craftsman (square head)
screwdriver and stab yourself with a knitting needle.
6. Remove all actual food from the house.
7. With several strands of Christmas lights strung
from a coat tree and onto yourself, walk slowly up
and down the hall.
8. Pee into an empty lipstick tube.
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