Subject: Advice About Pregnancy
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Tue May 23 2000 - 06:09:43 EDT
"Advice Column About Pregnancy...."
Q. Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband
wears boxers rather than briefs?
A. Yes, but you'll have an even better chance
if he doesn't wear anything at all.
Q. What is the easiest way to figure out exactly
when I got pregnant?
A. Have sex once a year.
Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q. My blood type is O-positive and my husband's
is A-negative. What if my baby is born, say,
type AB-positive?
A. Then the jig is up.
Q. My husband and I are very attractive. I'm
sure our baby will be beautiful enough for
commercials. Whom should I contact about this?
A. Your therapist.
Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When
will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes
college.
Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning
sickness or the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q. My brother tells me that since my husband
has a big nose, and genes for big noses are
dominant, my baby will have a big nose as well.
Is this true?
A. The odds are greater that your brother
will have a fat lip.
Q. Since I became pregnant, My breasts, rear
end, and even my feet have grown. Is there
anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.
Q. Ever since I've been pregnant, I haven't
been able to go to bed at night without onion
rings. Is this a normal craving?
A. Depends on what you're doing with them.
Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often
strangers smile at me. Why?
A. Cause you're fatter then they are.
Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so
moody that sometimes she's borderline
irrational.
A. So what's your question, dip-poop?
Q. Will I love my dog less when the baby
is born?
A. No, but your husband might get on your
nerves.
Q. Under what circumstances can sex at the
end of pregnancy bring on labor?
A. When the sex is between your husband
and another woman.
Q. What's the difference between a nine-
months pregnant woman and a Playboy
centerfold?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband
knows what's good for him.
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