Subject: Politically Correct Ways to Speak About Women... NOT!
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Mon Feb 07 2000 - 04:04:14 EST
"Politically Correct Ways to Speak About Women... NOT!"
She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a
BREASTED-AMERICAN.
She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is
PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.
She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE
COMPATIBLE.
She is not HALF NAKED - She is WARDROBE
IMPAIRED.
She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She
is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.
She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY
AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES.
She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants
to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.
She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC
UNDERACHIEVER.
She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is
VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY
ACCESSIBLE.
She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in
ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE
INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY
PROMINENT.
She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN
TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE.
She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS -
She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT.
She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a
PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME -
She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.
She does not GET YOU EXCITED - She causes
TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT.
She is not KINKY - She is a NON-INHIBITED
SEXUAL COMPANION.
She does not have a KILLER BODY - She
is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL
FLUENT.
She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets
CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED
She does not get FAT or CHUBBY - She achieves
MAXIMUM DENSITY.
She is not COLD or FRIGID - She is THERMALLY
INACCESSIBLE.
She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She
has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.
She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is
GRAVITY RESISTANT.
She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY
REPETITIVE
She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
She is not LOOSE - She is MORALLY IMPAIRED
She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS -
She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
She does not have THIN LIPS - She is has a
COLLAGEN DEPRIVATION.
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