Subject: A Hobby With Too High A Price
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Thu Aug 17 2000 - 22:21:54 EDT
"A Hobby With Too High A Price"
My wife said to me, "George, it is about time that
you learned to play golf. You know, golf. That's
the game where you chase a ball all over the
country when you are too old to chase women."
So, I went to see the golf pro at the nearest country
club and asked him if he would teach me how to play.
He said, "Sure, you've got balls, haven't you?"
I said, "Yes, but sometimes on cold mornings
they're kinda hard to find."
"Bring them to the clubhouse tomorrow," he said,
"and we will tee off."
"What's tea off," I asked?
He said, "It's a golf term and we have to tee off in
front of the clubhouse.
"Not in front of the barn somewhere?"
"No, no," he said, "a tee is a little thing about the
size of your little finger."
"Yeah, I've got one of those."
"Well," he said, "you stick it in the ground and put
your ball on top of it."
I asked, "Do you play golf sitting down?" I always
thought you stood up and walked around.
"You do," he said. "You're standing up when you
put your ball on the tee."
Well, folks, I thought that was stretching things
a little too far, and I said so.
He said, "You've got a bag haven't you?"
"Sure," I said.
He said, "Your balls are in it, aren't they?"
"Of course," I told him.
"Well," he said, "can't you open the bag and
take one out?"
I said, "I suppose I could." But damned if I was
going to.
He asked if I didn't have a zipper on my bag,
but I told him, no, I'm the old fashioned type.
Then he asked me if I knew how to hold my club.
Well, after fifty years I should have some sort
of an idea, and I told him so.
He said, "You take your club in both hands."
Folks, I knew right then he didn't know what
he was talking about.
Then he said you swing it over your shoulder.
No, no, that's not me, that's my brother you're
thinking about.
He asked me, "How do you hold your club."
Before I thought I said, "In two fingers."
He said that wasn't right and got behind me and
put both arms around me and told me to end
over and he would show me how.
He couldn't catch me there, because I didn't
put four years in the Navy for nothing.
He said, "You hit the ball with your club, and it
will soar and soar,"
I said. "I could well imagine!"
Then, he said, and when you're on the green.
'What's the green," I asked?
"On the green you use a putter."
"What's the putter," I asked?
"That's the smallest club made," he said.
"That's what I've got, a putter!"
"With it," he said, "you put your ball in the hole."
I corrected, "You mean the putter?"
He said, "The ball. The hole isn't big enough
for the ball and the putter."
Well, I've seen holes big enough for a horse
and wagon.
Then he said, after you make the first hole; you
go on to the next seventeen.
He wasn't talking to me! After two holes, I'm
shot to hell!
"You mean," he said, "you can't make eighteen
holes in one day?"
"Hell no, it takes me eighteen days to make one
hole and besides, how do I know when I'm in
the eighteenth hole?"
He said, "The flag would go up."
That would be just my luck.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b28 : Fri Sep 01 2000 - 00:00:04 EDT