Subject: 40 Ways Men Fail In Bed, Parts 1-8
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Mon Apr 10 2000 - 02:29:37 EDT
"40 Ways Men Fail In Bed"
Parts 1-8
1) NOT KISSING FIRST. Avoiding her lips and
diving straight for the erogenous zones makes
her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying
to get your money's worth by cutting out
nonessentials. A properly passionate kiss is the
ultimate form of foreplay.
2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR. Admit it,
some kid at school told you girls love this. Well,
there's a difference between being erotic and
blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the
candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
3) NOT SHAVING. You often forget you have a
porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake
repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs.
When she turns her head from side to side, it's
not passion, it's avoidance.
4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST. Most men act
like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when
they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and
smooth them.
5) BITING HER NIPPLES. Why do men fasten
onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like
they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts?
Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up
to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking
your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're
a doggie toy isn't.
6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES. Stop doing that thing
where you twiddle the nipples between finger and
thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a
hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the
exclamation points.
7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs:
Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel.
There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored
far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown
Vagina. So start paying them some attention.
8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED. Poor manual
dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled
fingers and underwear. If you're going to be that
aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b28 : Mon May 01 2000 - 00:00:03 EDT