Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Fri, 29 Oct 1999 12:34:58 -0400
"A Tom Cat And A Tabby Cat"
A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting
on a back fence at night. The tom leaned
over to the tabby with pent up passion and
purred...
"I'll die for you..."
The tabby gazed at him from under lowered
eye lids and asked,
"How many times?"
******************************************************
"Spelling Mouse"
TEACHER: I want you to spell mouse.
STUDENT: M-O-U-S
TEACHER: But what's on the end?
STUDENT: A tail.
******************************************************
"Signs Your Cat has a Personality Disorder.."
Couldn't muster up sufficient disdain if all nine
lives depended on it!
You've repeatedly found him in the closed
garage, hunched over the wheel of your
running Buick.
Sits for hours in fascination while listening to
Bob Dole.
Teeth and claw marks all over your now-empty
bottles of Prozac.
No longer licks paws clean, but washes them
at the sink again and again and again...
Continually scratches on the door to get in...
the OVEN door.
Doesn't get Garfield, but laughs like hell at
Marmaduke.
Rides in your car with its head out the window.
She's a dues-paid, card-carrying member of
the Reform Party.
You realize one day that the urine stains on the
carpet actually form the letters N-E-E-D
T-H-E-R-A-P-Y.
Has built a shrine to Andrew Lloyd Webber
entirely out of empty "9 Lives" cans.
Spends all day in litterbox separating the green
chlorophyll granules from the plain white ones.
After years of NPR, Tabby is suddenly a Ditto-Puss.
Sullen and overweight, your sunglasses-wearing
cat shoots the TV with a .45 Magnum when it
sees cartoon depictions of stupid or lazy felines.
Your stereo is missing, and in the corner you
find a pawn ticket and 2 kilos of catnip.
Makes an attempt on "First Cat" Sock's life in a
pathetic attempt to impress Jodie Foster.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Sat Oct 30 1999 - 09:00:02 EDT