Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Sun, 24 Oct 1999 02:39:59 -0400
"Nervous Priest"
What with sermon preparations and anxiety, the
new preacher had gotten very little sleep the week
before he was to address his flock for the first time;
so by Sunday morning, he was both exhausted
and extremely nervous. Nevertheless, he managed
to make it up the few steps onto the platform and
into the pulpit. However, he had barely begun his
presentation when everything he had planned to
say flew right out of his mind. In fact, his mind went
totally blank. Then he remembered that in seminary
they had taught him what to do if a situation like this
ever arose:
"Repeat your last point, and let it remind you of
what's coming next." Figuring this advice couldn't
hurt, he recalled the very last thing he'd said, and
repeated it:
"Behold," he quoted, "I come quickly." Still his mind
was blank. He thought he'd better try it again: "Behold,
I come quickly." Still nothing. He tried it one more time -
but in his panic, he pronounced the words with such
force that he lost his balance, fell forward, knocked
the pulpit to one side, tripped over a flower
arrangement, and fell into the lap of a little old lady in
the front row. Flustered and embarrassed, he picked
himself up, apologized profusely, and started to
explain what had just happened.
"That's all right, young man," said the little old lady
kindly. "It was my fault, really. You told me three
times you were on your way down here. I should
have just gotten out of your way!"
*************************************************************
"Smooth Delivery"
A preacher, who shall we say was "humor impaired,"
attended a conference to help encourage and better
equip pastors for their ministry.
Among the speakers were many well known and
dynamic speakers. One such boldly approached
the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention,
said, "The best years of my life were spent in the
arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd
was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that
woman was my mother!" - The crowd burst into
laughter and delivered the rest of his talk, which
went over quite well.
The next week, the pastor decided he'd give this
humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon.
As he surely approached the pulpit that sunny
Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head.
It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him.
Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The
greatest years of my life were spent in the arms
of another woman that was not my wife!" The
congregation inhaled half the air in the room. After
standing there for almost 10 seconds in the
stunned silence, trying to recall the second half
of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and
I can't remember who she was!"
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Sun Oct 24 1999 - 09:00:02 EDT