Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Tue, 19 Oct 1999 07:41:46 -0400
"How To Identify Where A Driver Is From"
One hand on wheel, one hand on horn:
Chicago
One hand on wheel, one finger out window:
New York
One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper,
foot solidly on accelerator: Boston
One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone,
brick on accelerator: California. With gun
in lap: L.A.
Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet
on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but
driving in California.
Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on
accelerator, head turned to talk to someone
in back seat: Italy.
One hand on latte, one knee on wheel,
cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind
on game: Seattle.
One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting
rifle, alternating between both feet being
on the accelerator and both on the brake,
throwing a McDonalds bag out the window:
Texas city male.
One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out
the window, keeping speed steadily at 70 mph,
driving down the center of the road unless
coming around a blind curve, in which case
they are on the left side of the road: Texas
country male.
One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view
mirror to show different angles of the BIG hair,
one hand going between mousse, brush, and
rat-tail to keep the helmet hair going, both feet
on the accelerator, poodle steering the car,
chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid
handle in the glove compartment: Texas female.
Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed
posture, eyes constantly checking the rear-view
mirror to watch for visible emissions from their
own or another's car: Colorado.
One hand on steering wheel, yelling obscenities,
the other hand waving gun out the window and
firing repeatedly, keeping a careful eye out for
landmarks along the way so as to be able to
come back and pick up any bullets that didn't hit
other motorists so as not to litter: Colorado
resident on spotting a car with Texas plate.
Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted
in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails
attached to antenna: West Virginia male.
Junker, driven by someone who previously had
a nice car and who is now wearing a barrel:
Las Vegas.
Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely
visible above window level, driving 35 on the
interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on:
Florida "seasoned citizen" driver, also known
as "no-see-um."
Two hands on the wheel, driving forty-five in a
seventy mph zone in the left lane, with the left
turn signal on, and making a right turn: New
Mexico resident.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Tue Oct 19 1999 - 09:00:02 EDT