Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Mon, 11 Oct 1999 02:23:08 -0400
The latest Kinsey Report reveals that
Americans are woefully ignorant of the
basic facts of life. The majority, for
example, know where babies come
from, but fewer than 20 % apparently
know how they get there. Even worse,
36 % believe that bondage is something
you wrap around a cut finger. And no
fewer than 44 % reason that being into
leather means working as a shoemaker.
The following quiz is designed to measure
the smut level of the public:
"Sex Quiz"
1. The most erotic experience a woman
over 35 can have is:
a. having her knees rubbed with sour cream
b. simultaneously using the food processor,
the blender, and the microwave
c. reading a sex quiz
d. shopping for shoes
2. When a businessman buys a red
Mercedes, he is hoping to:
a. acquire a mistress
b. attract his neighbor's wife
c. preserve his youth
d. get a tax write-off
3. A marriage is in trouble when the husband
brings home from the video store:
a. Kitten with a Whip
b. Sex Slaves of New Haven
c. Emmanuelle II meets Rocky IV
d. The girl who works behind the counter
4. Condoms are not recommended for use:
a. before the 15th of the month
b. after the 15th of the month
c. immediately after sex
d. children under 10
5. Religious families generally have large
families because:
a. they generally have more children
b. they just have natural rhythm
c. the Bible forbids television
d. they're just lucky
6. The Bible condemns homosexuals
because:
a. they go to the theater a lot
b. they look too much like heterosexuals
c. they don't keep two sets of clothes
d. it's impossible to determine who
should take out the garbage
7. After their 35th birthday, fewer than 10%
of women ever achieve:
a. multiple orchids
b. a satisfactory weight-loss program
c. a job that pays as much as a man's
d. comfortable shoes
8. It is not uncommon for the average male
to worry about the size of his:
a. bank account
b. piano
c. office
d. necktie
9. In addition to traditional methods, AIDS
can also be transmitted by:
a. petting goldfish
b. handling chicken fat
c. kissing the family dog
d. bloody bar room brawls
10. Conception has been known to occur in:
a. the ovarian tubes
b. eustachian tubes
c. the Goodyear tube station
d. back seat of a Camaro
11. "Time of the month" refers to:
a. ovulation
b. undulation
c. a new moon
d. the weekend of AFC vs NFC championship
12. Testosterone is a kind of:
a. Italian ice cream
b. testimony given in an Italian court
c. umpire in an Italian cricket match
d. Italian chicken fat
13. An erogenous zone is an area where:
a. women tend to fall asleep
b. women tend to develop sudden headaches
c. men tend to laugh before the punchline
d. it is forbidden to park your rogenous
14. At least 50% of males suffer from
premature:
a. emasculation
b. matriculation
c. baldness
d. laughter before the punchline
15. Judeo-Christian tradition frowns on:
a. premarital sex
b. post-marital sex
c. the opposite sex
d. carnal knowledge with non-kosher animals
16. The average frequency of sexual
relations is:
a. 78.8 megahertz
b. 92.3 kilohertz
c. 98.4 oyithertz
d. depends on how often your wife works late
17. Which is not considered erotic vocabulary:
a. doo-doo
b. thingamajig
c. doggie-woggie
d. Who owns this pussy?
18. In your personal experience, sex is:
a. overrated but undersupplied
b. oversupplied but not overpriced
c. over there but not over here
d. over
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Mon Oct 11 1999 - 09:00:02 EDT