Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Mon, 24 May 1999 16:47:45 -0400
"25 Rules to Help Women Understand Men"
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up...don't
come tell us about it. Put it down.
2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
3. Don't make us guess.
4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to...
expect an answer you don't want to hear.
5. Some times, we're not thinking about you.
6. We're never thinking about "the relationship."
7. Get rid of your cat. No, it's not different -- it's just
like every other cat.
8. Dogs are better than any cats.
9. Sunday = sports.
10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.
11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
12. You have enough clothes.
13. You have too many shoes.
14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you have to, but
don't expect us to like it.
15. Your brother is an idiot.
16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
17. No... we don't know what day it is. Mark
anniversaries on the calendar.
18. Share the bathroom.
19. Share the closet.
20. "Yes" and "no" are perfectly acceptable answers.
21. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
22. Nothing says "I love you!" like sex in the morning.
23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
24. Check your oil.
25. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
***********************************************************
"25 Rules To Help Men Understand Women"
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If you've managed
to lift it up, gravity is on your side when it comes
to putting it back down.
2. Sometimes, we are not thinking about having
sex.
3. "I ate it, didn't I?" is not considered praise.
4. Your responsibility for raising children does
NOT end at conception.
5. Get rid of your comb-over. It's not different --
it's just as ridiculous as every other comb over.
You're losing your hair -- face it.
6. An order of takeout ribs and a Chris Farley
movie is not everybody's idea of a good time.
7. "Yeah yeah, you look fine" is not a compliment.
8. Yes, I DO tell my best friend everything.
9. You have enough ball caps.
10. You have too many t-shirts.
11. You're too old to wear a goatee.
12. Every actor we find attractive is not gay. You
can stop using this one - - we've all heard it.
13. A hug is not always a prelude to sex.
14. When we ask "are you listening," we already
know you're not.
15. Your best friend is an idiot.
16. Nothing says "I love you" like offering to go
to the grocery store.
17. If you can rebuild the carburetor on a '66
Mustang, working the washing machine should
be a snap.
18. Yes and no are sometimes acceptable answers
-- grunts and blank stares are not.
19. A sore back that prevents you from doing
household chores for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
20. Underwear is like a car. After five years, it needs
to be replaced with a newer model.
21. A romantic weekend getaway does not involve
baiting a hook.
22. Slapping us on the butt and saying "how bout
getting me a cold one" is not foreplay.
23. The missionary position is best left to missionaries.
24. Rolling over and mumbling "I've got to get some
sleep" does not produce an afterglow.
25. If it was really good for me, you wouldn't have
to ask.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Tue May 25 1999 - 09:00:02 EDT