Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Tue, 18 May 1999 19:44:20 -0400
"Sex Research For The Innocent Woman"
The following information was gained through
much arduous research involving men and women
from all backgrounds and walks of life. It consists
of the most frequently asked questions of women
(i.e. relationships, sex and life in general). All women
who read this are encouraged to use the wisdom
contained therein to change their behavior in
accordance with the truths established below.
Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time
is right. When it comes to love and sex, men are
much more responsible, since they're not as
emotionally confused as women. It's a proven fact.
Q: Should I have sex on the first date?
A: YES. Before if possible.
Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The
important thing to remember is that you must do
whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes,
however, he may ask you to do certain things that
may at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway.
Q: How long should the sex act last?
A: This is a natural & normal part of nature, so don't
feel ashamed or embarrassed. After you've finished
making love, he'll have a natural desire to leave you
suddenly, & go out with his friends to play golf. Or,
perhaps another activity, such as going out with his
friends to the bar for the purpose of consuming large
amounts of alcohol & sharing a few personal thoughts
with his buddies. Don't feel left out - while he's gone
you can busy yourself by doing laundry, cleaning the
apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an
expensive gift. He'll come back when he's ready.
Q: What is "afterplay?"
A: After a man has finished making love, he needs
to replenish his manly energy. "Afterplay" is simply
a list of important activities for you to do after
lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette,
making him a sandwich or pizza, bringing him a
few beers, or leaving him alone to sleep while
you go out and buy him an expensive gift.
Q: Does the size of the penis matter?
A: Yes. Although many women believe that quality,
not quantity, is important, studies show this is
simply not true. The average erect male penis
measures about three inches. Anything longer
than that is extremely rare and if by some chance
your lover's sexual organ is 4 inches or over, you
should go down on your knees and thank your lucky
stars and do everything possible to please him,
such as doing his laundry, cleaning his apartment
and/or buying him an expensive gift.
Q: What about the female orgasm?
A: What about it? There's no such thing. It's a myth.
************************************************************
"Stuffed Animals"
A guy met a girl at a nightclub, and she invited him
back to her place for the night.
When they arrived at her house, they went right into
her bedroom. The guy saw that the room was filled
with stuffed animals. There were hundreds of them
all over the place. Giant stuffed animals were on top
of the wardrobe. Large stuffed animals were on the
bookshelf and on the window sill, and a lot of smaller
stuffed animals were on the bottom shelf.
Much later, after they had sex, he turned to her and
asked, "So ... how was I?"
"Well," she said, "You can take anything from the
bottom shelf."
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Wed May 19 1999 - 09:00:02 EDT