Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Wed, 31 Mar 1999 08:57:18 -0500
To my Jewish Friends and Subscribers: I wish you
Chag Kasher v'Sameyach! - a Happy and Kosher Passover!
LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Divorce After 54 Years"
Morris calls his son in NY and says, ?Benny, I have
something to tell you. However, I don't want to discuss
it. I'm merely telling you because you're my oldest
child, and I thought you ought to know. I've made up
my mind, I'm divorcing Mama."
The son is shocked, and asks his father to tell him
what happened.
"I don't want to get into it. My mind is made up."
"But Dad, you just can't decide to divorce Mama
just like that after 54 years together. What happened?"
"It's too painful to talk about it. I only called because
you're my son, and I thought you should know. I
really don't want to get into it anymore than this.
You can call your sister and tell her. It will spare
me the pain."
"But where's Mama? Can I talk to her?"
"No, I don't want you to say anything to her about it.
I haven't told her yet. Believe me it hasn't been easy.
I've agonized over it for several days, and I've finally
come to a decision. I have an appointment with the
lawyer the day after tomorrow."
"Dad, don't do anything rash. I'm going to take the
first flight down. Promise me that you won't do
anything until I get there."
"Well, all right, I promise. Next week is Passover. I'll
hold off seeing the lawyer until after the Seder. Call
your sister in NJ, and break the news to her. I just
can't bear to talk about it anymore."
A half hour later, Morris receives a call from his
daughter who tells him that she and her brother
were able to get tickets and that they and the children
will be arriving in Florida the day after tomorrow.
"Benny told me that you don't want to talk about it on
the telephone, but promise me that you won't do
anything until we both get there."
Morris promises. After hanging up from his daughter,
Morris turns to his wife and says, "Well, it worked this
time, but what are we going to do next Yom Tov to
get them to come down?"
DICTIONARY:
Passover (Pesach) is a Jewish Holiday which
traditionally continues for eight days. It
commemorates the Exodus of the Jews from
their enslavement in Egypt.
Seder is festive meal during which the story of
Passover is retold. It is held on the first and second
nights of Passover. And boy, it's a long one!
Yom Tov: translates into English as Good Day,
as in "I hope your holiday is a good day." (Hebrew)
***********************************************************
"A Day Before Pesach (Passover)"
I had 12 bottles of whiskey in my cellar and I was
instructed by my wife to empty each and every
bottle down the drain, so I proceeded with the task.
I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured
the contents down the sink, with the exception of
one glass which I drank. I extracted the cork from
the second bottle and did likewise, with the
exception of one glass which I drank. I then
poured the contents down the sink, with the
exception of one glass which I drank.
I then pulled the cork from the fourth sink, poured
the bottles down the glass, which I drank. I pulled
the bottle from the cork of the next, and drank one
sink out of it and threw the rest down the glass. I
pulled the sink out of the glass and poured the
cork from the bottle. Then I corked the sink with
the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.
When I had everything emptied, I steadied the
house with one hand, counted the bottles, corks,
glasses and sinks with the other, which were 29
and put the house in the bottle, which I drank.
I'm not under the affluence of incahol, but thinkle
peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might
drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me,
and the drunker I stand here the longer I get!!!
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Wed Mar 31 1999 - 09:00:01 EST