Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Tue, 02 Mar 1999 19:25:48 -0500
A Purim Greeting to my Jewish Subscribers!
Let us celebrate fiasco of the first attempt in recorded
history to annihilate all Jews. Let it be known that he
who raises his hand against the Jews will die by his
own sword. The Book of Esther is so powerful that the
cruelest of all tyrants, Hitler, actually had forbid its
publication and ordered the existing copies burned.
Purim is the reading of the Megilah, the story of Queen
Esther, who saved her people from the wicked Haman.
Children dress up as Queen Esther, her Uncle Mordechai,
King Ahashuaris or the wicked Haman (much like
Halloween costumes). In the synagogue, when the story
is read, whenever the name of the wicked Haman is
spoken, noisemakers (called grogers) are twirled,
making it sound like New Year's Eve, to drown out the
evil name. There are four customs for Purim. One is to
eat and drink to the point where you can't distinguish
between the pious Mordechai and the evil Haman, the
second is to give charity directly to the poor if possible,
the third to give away food to friends and the fourth is to
read the Megilah with your children.
{Thank you, BOBALAH@aol.com, for the above paragraph.}
So, let us drink the wine, make joyful noise, and drown
the name of evil Haman in it. Let us follow the customs
of giving gifts of food to the needy and giving generously
to charity. Let us celebrate!
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"Top Ten Reasons For Celebrating Purim"
1. Making noise in shul is a mitzvah.
2. Levity is not reserved for the Levites.
3. If you're having a bad hair day, you can always
wear a mask & no one will know who you are.
(Wearing costumes is customary.)
4. Purim is easier to spell than Khanuka,
Chanukah, Chanuka, Hanuka -- the Hebrew
name for the Festival of Lights.
5. You don't have to kosher your home and
change all the pots and dishes.
6. You don't have to build a sukkah and eat outside.
7. You get to drink wine & you don't have to stand
for Kiddush.
8. Mordechai - 1; Haman - 0.
9. You won't get hit in the eye by a lulav.
10. You can't eat hamentaschen on Yom Kippur.
***********************************************************
You Know You Drank Too Much On Purim When....
You ski uphill.
You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
You speed walk in your sleep.
You open the door before people knock.
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You just completed another sweater, and you don't
know how to knit.
You sleep with your eyes open.
The only time you're standing still is during an
earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away
without using the timer.
You licked the bottle clean.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your
pulse.
You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
Cocaine is a downer.
You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
People get dizzy just watching you.
When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it
up. Sixty-three more, I'll have a shot glass."
Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava
lamp.
You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
People can test their batteries in your ears.
Some says, "How are you?", you say, "Aged 12 Years."
You're offended when people use the word "brew" to
mean coffee.
You name your cats "Chivas" and "Absolut."
You get drunk just so you can sober up.
You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You short out motion detectors.
Your three favorite things in life are...Chivas before and
Chivas after.
You think, CPR stands for "Chivas Provides
Resuscitation."
Your first-aid kit contains two liters of Chivas with an
I.V. hookup.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Wed Mar 03 1999 - 09:00:01 EST