Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Mon, 21 Jun 1999 11:53:17 -0400
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The piece "What Is A Father?" which was sent out on
6/20/99 is written by Paul Harvey.
If you ever see copyrighted info on Joke du Jour, PLEASE
let me know so I can credit the writer or publisher.
Please do not submit copyrighted material. Thank you!
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"The Top 15 Signs You're Not Ready for Summer"
15. Still trying to untangle the Christmas lights
from the Weedwhacker.
14. The pool boy shows up with a backhoe.
13. Putting on last year's bathing suit requires
Vaseline and a shoe horn.
12. Used all your bikini wax to polish your
hardwood floors during the winter.
11. It's springtime, and you're still planting
gloves.
10. Your new batch of ads featuring a pierced
Joe Camel on a surfboard are three weeks
behind schedule.
9. Your belly has more rolls than Sara Lee,
and besides, you're still hungover from
spring break.
8. You refuse to visit any beach not personally
guarded by David Hasselhoff.
7. You're so white, even the Boston Celtics
refuse you.
6. Vacation plans include a ValueJet flight to
a Club Med Zaire.
5. Recent guilty verdict on all 11 counts means
you can kiss that Summer Patriot Training
Camp trip goodbye.
4. Without flood relief from slow Congress,
you're still *living* in your bass boat.
3. Despite therapy, you're still not prepared
for the coming endless airplay of "Kokomo."
2. The sun's reflection off your phosphorescent
white skin actually damaged one of Mir's solar
panels.
1. Still confusing the George Clooney Batman
with the Val Kilmer Batman.
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"Pig For A Summer"
Two city gals (blondes?) attending college
rented a country cabin from a farmer for the
summer. When they asked the farmer what
he did with his garbage, he told them that he
fed it to his pigs. So, they proceeded to buy
a small porker for the reasonable price of $25.
OVer the summer, they fed the porker their
garbage, and the pig got bit and fat.
When the summer ended, the two girls
wanted to sell the pig before they went back
to school. Since it had done its job well, they
went to the farmer to see if he was interested.
"How much do you want for it?" the farmer
asked.
One of the girls replied, "Well, we bought the
pig new for $25 and now it's used -- so you
can have it for $15."
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Tue Jun 22 1999 - 09:00:01 EDT