Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Mon, 07 Jun 1999 20:45:46 -0400
"You Know You're Stressed If...."
1. You can achieve a "Runner's High" by sitting up.
2. You say the same sentence over and over again,
not realizing that you have said it before...
3. You can see individual air molecules vibrating.
4. You begin to explore the possibility of setting up
an I.V. drip solution of espresso.
5. You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step
for the consumption of coffee.
6. You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.
7. You say the same sentence over and over again,
not realizing that you have said it before...
8. Things becomes "Very Clear."
9. It appears that people are speaking to you in binary
code.
10. You have great revelations concerning: Life, the
Universe, and Everything else, but can't quite find the
words for them before the white glow disappears,
leaving you more confused than before.
11. You say the same sentence over and over
again, not realizing that you have said it before...
12. Losing your mind was okay, but when the voices
in your head quieted, it was like losing your best friend.
13. You say the same sentence over and over again,
not realizing that you have said it before...
14. You listen to your relaxation tapes on high speed.
15. You call your voicemail from your car using your
cell-phone while driving to work to remind yourself
of tasks to do during the day.
16. You say the same sentence over and over again,
not realizing that you have said it before...
17. You page yourself because when its set to vibrate,
it's "almost" like getting a massage.
18. Your e-mail notification tune is Taps.
19. You tap your foot impatiently at the amount of
time your microwave popcorn takes to pop.
20. You say the same sentence over and over
again, not realizing that you have said it before...
************************************************************
"How to Tell If You Don't Have
A Good Secretary"
She has a hard time alphabetizing a bag of M&Ms.
She doesn't get the hang of Post-it Notes.
You have to frequently scrape White-Out off
her computer monitor.
At the board meeting for which she is
recording the minutes, she stops the
proceedings to ask, "What did fatso say?"
Your customers come around only during her
lunch period; they peek around the door asking,
"Is the coast clear?"
Whe she gets low on typing paper she asks
you what to do; you tell her to use copy paper.
She then takes a blank piece of typing paper, puts
it into the copy machine and makes 10 copies.
She rolls her hosiery to just below the knee and
keeps it there by tying it in a knot.
The Ringling Brothers Clown College announces
that she has won a prize for her original make-up.
She tries to fax chocolate chip cookies to her
daughter in college.
She staples her thumbs together more frequently
than once a week.
Types 60 words per minute..... but not in English.
She wears White-Out for nail polish.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Tue Jun 08 1999 - 09:00:01 EDT