Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Sun, 31 Jan 1999 08:23:34 -0500
It's Superbowl Sunday... A couple of oldies from
the archives for you.
LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*
"At The Superbowl..."
Bob received a free ticket to the Superbowl from
his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrived at
the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row
in the corner of the stadium -- he is closer to the
Goodyear Blimp than the field.
About halfway through the first quarter, Bob noticed
an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50
yard line. He decided to take a chance and makes
his way through the stadium and around the security
guards to the empty seat.
As he sat down, he asked the gentleman sitting next
to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?"
The man said, "No."
Very excited to be in such a great seat for the game,
Bob said to the man next to him, "This is incredible!
Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at
the Superbowl and not use it?!"
The man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to
me, I was supposed to come with my wife, but she
passed away. This is the first Superbowl we haven't
been to together since we got married in 1967."
"That's really sad," says Bob, "but still, couldn't you
find someone to take the seat? A relative or a close
friend?"
"No," the man replied, "they're all at the funeral."
***********************************************************
Factoid: No NFL team which plays its home games
in a domed stadium has ever won a Superbowl.
***********************************************************
"Raiders Quarterback"
So Al Davis had put together the perfect Raiders
team for '96. The only thing he was missing was
a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges,
and even the high schools, and he couldn't find a
ringer quarterback that would ensure a SuperBowl win.
Then one night, watching CNN, he saw a war zone
in Bosnia. In the background, out of the corner of his
eye, he spotted a young Bosnian soldier with a truly
incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade straight into
a15th story window 200 yards away--ka-boom! He
threw another hand grenade into a group of about 10
soldiers a good 110 yards away--ka-blooey! A car
passes going 90 miles an hour--bulls-eye! Right into
the barely open window. "I've got to get this guy," Al
says to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So he brings him to the States and teaches him the
great game of football.
Predictably, the young man breaks all the NFL records
for completed passes, and the Raiders go on to win
the SuperBowl. The young Bosnian is lionized as the
Great Hero of SuperBowl XXXI, and when Al asks him
what he wants, all the young man wants to do is to call
his mother.
"Mom," the young man says into the receiver, "I just won
the SuperBowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you," the old woman says. "You
deserted us. You're not my son."
"I don't think you understand, mother" the young man
pleads. "I just won the greatest sporting event in the
world. I'm in the middle of thousands of adoring fans."
"No, let me tell you," the mother implores. "At this very
moment, there are gunshots all around us. The
neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers
were beaten within an inch of their life last week, and
this week your sister was raped in broad daylight...."
The old lady pauses, in tears, then continues,
"...I'll never forgive you for moving us to Oakland!"
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Sun Jan 31 1999 - 09:00:03 EST