Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Sat, 17 Apr 1999 10:00:07 -0400
"Government Policy: Snake Attack"
The following is from the US Government Peace
Corps Manual for its volunteers who work in the
Amazon Jungle. It tells what to do in case you are
attacked by an anaconda. Now an anaconda is the
largest snake in the world.It is a relative of the boa
constrictor, it grows to thirty-five feet in length and
weighs between three and four hundred pounds
at the maximum. This is what the manual said:
1. If you are attacked by an anaconda, do not run.
The snake is faster than you are.
2. Lie flat on the ground.Put your arms tight against
your sides, your legs tight against one another.
3. Tuck your chin in.
4. The snake will come and begin to nudge and
climb over your body.
5. Do not panic.
6. After the snake has examined you, it will begin
to swallow you from the feet and - always from the
end. Permit the snake to swallow your feet and
ankles. Do not panic!
7. The snake will now begin to suck your legs into
its body. You must lie perfectly still.This will take
a long time.
8. When the snake has reached your knees slowly
and with as little movement as possible, reach
down, take your knife and very gently slide it into
the side of the snake's mouth between the edge
of its mouth and your leg, then suddenly rip
upwards, severing the snake's head.
9. Be sure you have your knife.
10. Be sure your knife is sharp.
Note from LadyHawke: This method is *not* approved
for use on GOVERNMENT SNAKES. Consult a local
patriot for better methods. I love my country and fear
the government of it.
************************************************************
"A Snake & Beer"
Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman
soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just
then he happened to see a little snake passing by who
had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the
snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for
the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up
again and poured a little beer down his throat. Then
he went about his fishing.
An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg.
Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more
worms in his mouth...
************************************************************
Two snakes were crawling along when one snake
asked the other,
"Are we poisonous snakes?"
The other replied, "You're darn right we are! We're
rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?"
To which the first replied, "Er... I just bit my tongue."
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Sun Apr 18 1999 - 09:00:02 EDT