Up in Heaven there are two lines: One with a sign that
says, "If you were Henpecked, line up here", the other
saying, "If you weren't henpecked, stand here."
One day St. Peter was looking at the new arrivals, and
he saw the "Henpecked" line going on forever... while the
"Non-henpecked" line only had 1 guy standing in it.
St. Peter walked up to him and said, "You mean to tell me
you were never henpecked in your whole life??"
The guy said, "Well I guess not, this is where my wife told
me to stand."
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"Do You Have Contol?"
There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them
are talking about the amount of control they have over
their wives, while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and
says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do
you have over your wife?"
The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night
my wife came to me on her hands and knees."
The first two guys were amazed. "Wow! What
happened then?" they asked.
The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer,
sighed and uttered,
"She said,"'Get out from under the bed and fight
like a man."
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"Assertion"
A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist
to assert himself. "You don't have to let your wife bully
you," he said, "Go home and show her you're the boss."
The husband decided to take the doctor's advice. He
went home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his
wife's face, and growled, "From now on you're taking
orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when
you get it on the table, go upstairs and lay out my clothes.
Tonight I am going out with he boys. You are going to
stay at home where you belong. Another thing, you
know who is going to tie my bow tie?"
"I certainly do," said his smiling wife calmly and
rather sweetly, "The undertaker."