TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
SUBJECT: SICK LEAVE POLICY
SICKNESS:
No excuses. We will no longer accept your doctor's
statement as proof. We believe that if you are able
to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
AN OPERATION:
We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to
discourage any thoughts that you may need an operation.
We believe that as long as you are an employee here,
you will need all of whatever you have and should not
consider having anything removed. We hired you as you
are, and to have anything removed would certainly make
you less than we bargained for.
DEATH:
Other than your own:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you
can do for them, and we are sure that someone else can
attend to the arrangements. However, if the funeral can be
held in the late afternoon, we will be glad to allow you to
work through your lunch hour and subsequently let you leave
1 hour early, provided you share of the work is ahead enough
to keep the job going in you absence.
Your own:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require
at least two weeks notice as we feel it is your duty to train
your replacement.
ALSO:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the
future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order.
For instance, those whose names begin with 'A' will go from
8:00 to 8:15, and so on. If you're unable to go at your time, it
will be necessary to wait until the next day when your time
comes again.
We appreciate your cooperation,
THE MANAGEMENT
*********************************************************
"Understanding Your Paycheck"
Gross pay: $1222.02
Income Tax Outgo Tax State Tax Interstate Tax
244.40 45.21 61.10 5.89
County Tax City Tax Rural Tax Back Tax
6.11 12.22 4.44 1.11
Front Tax Side Tax Up Tax Down Tax
1.16 1.61 2.22 1.11
Tic-Tacs Thumbtacks Carpet Tacks Stadium Tax
1.98 3.93 0.98 0.69
Flat Tax Surtax Ma'am Tax Parking Fee
8.32 3.46 2.60 5.00
No Parking Fee F.i.c.a. T.g.i.f. Life Ins.
10.00 81.88 9.95 5.85
Health Ins. Disability Ability Liability Ins.
16.23 2.50 0.25 3.41
Dental Ins. Mental Ins. Reassurance. Coffee
4.50 4.33 0.11 6.85
Coffee Cups Calendar Floor Rental Chair Rental
66.51 3.06 16.85 4.32
Desk Rental Union Dues Union Dont's Cash Advances
4.32 5.85 3.77 0.69
Cash Retreats Overtime Undertime Eastern Time
121.35 1.26 54.83 9.00
Central Time Mountain Time Pacific Time GMT
8.00 7.00 6.00 24.00
Bathroom Time Time Out Oxygen Water
4.44 12.21 10.02 16.54
Electricity Heat Air Conditioning
38.23 51.42 46.83
Misc
144.38
Take Home Pay: $0000.02
(This is where the expression "just my 2 cents" came from...)