Helium was up, feathers were down.
Paper was stationary.
Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.
Knives were up sharply.
Cow steered into a bull market.
Pencils lost a few points.
Hiking equipment was trailing.
Elevators rose, while escalators continued their
slow decline.
Weights were up in heavy trading.
Light switches were off.
Mining equipment hit rock bottom.
Diapers remain unchanged.
Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.
The market for raisins dried up.
Coca Cola fizzled.
Caterpiller stock inched up a bit.
Sun peaked at midday.
Balloon prices were inflated.
Scott Tissue touched a new bottom.
And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge
the market.
*********************************************************
"Job Dismissals"
I used to work in an orange juice factory, until I got
canned. Yeah, they put the squeeze on me, said I
couldn't concentrate. You know, same old boring rind
over and over again.
I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so
they gave me the axe.
I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it.
It was a sew-sew job.
I used to work in a muffler factory, until I got exhausted.
I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.
I wanted to be a chef, figured it would add a little spice
to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.
I used to be a deli worker, but I couldn't cut the mustard.
I used to be a musician, but I wasn't noteworthy.
I used to be a math teacher until I found out I had no class.
I used to be a doctor, but I didn't have the patients.