Women have more imagination than men do.
They need it to tell us how wonderful we are.
Women have their faults. Men have only two.
Everything we say. Everything we do.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
When women are depressed they either eat or go
shopping.
Men invade another country. It's a whole different
way of thinking.
A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a
one-dollar item he wants.
A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item
that she doesn't want.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change,
but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't
change, and she does.
Men always want to be a woman's first love.
Women have a more subtle instinct: What they like
is to be a man's last romance.
A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks.
A woman loses hers after four kisses.
To be happy with a man you must understand him
a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
****************************************************************
"Male Bashing"
How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after
mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.
How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?
All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.
How is being at a singles bar different from going to
the circus? At the circus, the clowns don't talk.
What makes men chase women they have no
intention of marrying? The same urge that makes
dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's
G-d's gift to women?
Exchange him.
Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites attract.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't
work half the time.
What's the difference between a new husband
and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished
until time.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
What is the thinnest book in the world?
"What Men Know About Women."
What's the difference between men and government
bonds? Bonds mature.
What do men and beer bottles have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.
How do you get a man to exercise?
Tie the TV remote control to his shoe laces.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet
paper? We don't know. It has never happened.