Boris, a Russian man, saves his rubles for twenty years
to buy a new car. After choosing the model and options he
wants, he's not the least bit surprised or even concerned
to learn that it will take two years for the new car to be
delivered. He thanks the salesman and starts to leave,
but as he reaches the door he pauses and turns back to
the salesman, "Do you know which week two years from
now the new car will arrive?" he asks.
The salesman checks his notes and tells the man that it
will be two years to the exact week. The man thanks the
salesman and starts out again, but upon reaching the
door, he turns back again.
"Could you possibly tell me what day of the week two years
from now the car will arrive?"
The salesman, mildly annoyed, checks his notes again
and says that it will be exactly two years from this week, on
a Thursday.
Boris thanks the salesman and once again starts to leave.
Halfway though the door, he hesitates, turns back, and
walks up to the salesman.
"I'm sorry to be so much trouble, but do you know if that will
be two years from now on Thursday in the morning, or in
the afternoon?"
Visibly irritated, the salesman flips through his papers yet
another time and says sharply that it will be in the afternoon,
two years from now on Thursday.
"That's a relief!" says Boris. "The plumber is coming
that morning!"
*************************************************************
Did you know that ten percent of the Russian government's
income comes from the sale of vodka? Well, now you know.
*************************************************************
"The Russian and the Golden Fish"
A Russian, a Frenchman and an Englishman wash up
on a desert island together with only the clothes on their
back.
After several days of wrenching hunger, heat and
sleeplessness, the Frenchman succeeds at catching a
beautiful golden fish with a rod fashioned from a bamboo
pole, line meticulously unwound from his shirt, and a hook
fashioned from a paperclip found in the Englishman's
pants pocket.
The Frenchman reels the fish in and the three are salivating
in their desire to devour this gift from the deep. The Russian
grabs the fish by the tail and is about to whack it on a rock to
kill it, when the fish speaks.
"Spare my life, and I will give each of you two wishes," the
golden fish says.
Stunned and mocking, the Frenchman says, "Hah, if you
really were a magic fish, I would wish myself off this
G-d-foresaken island and back in Paris with a million francs."
POOF! The Frenchman disappears.
The Englishman and Russian look at each other in
amazement. With only a moment's hesitation, the Englishman
quickly blurts out, "Send me home to London and give me a
million pounds."
POOF! And the Russian is standing alone on the beach with
the golden fish in his hands. He thinks for a moment, then,
with a smile, says, "Those were two great guys. I miss them.
Bring them back here, and give us three bottles of vodka."