Two mathematicians were having dinner in a restaurant,
arguing about the average mathematical knowledge of
the American public. One mathematician claimed that
this average was woefully inadequate, the other
maintained that it was surprisingly high.
"I'll tell you what," said the cynic, "ask that waitress a
simple math question. If she gets it right, I'll pick up dinner.
If not, you do.? He then excused himself to visit the men's
room, and the other called the waitress over.
"When my friend comes back," he told her, "I'm going to
ask you a question, and I want you to respond 'one third x
cubed.' There's twenty bucks in it for you." She agreed.
The cynic returned from the bathroom and called the
waitress over. "The food was wonderful, thank you," the
mathematician started. Incidentally, do you know what
the integral of x squared is?"
The waitress looked pensive; almost pained. She looked
around the room, at her feet, made gurgling noises, and
finally said, "Um, one third x cubed?"
So the cynic paid the check. The waitress wheeled
around, walked a few paces away, looked back at the
two men, and muttered under her breath,
? ..plus a constant."
*************************************************************
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying
attention in class. She called on him and said,
"Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied,
"NBC, CBS, HBO, and the Cartoon Network!"
*************************************************************
"Failing Math" (A Golden Oldie from the Archives)
A ten year old public school boy was finding fifth grade
math to be the challenge of his life. Science? A piece
of cake. Geography? No big deal. Spelling? Ha! Give
me a break... but MATH? It was devastating! To not only
him, but his mom and dad, too! And not that they weren't
doing everything and anything to help their son... Private
tutors, peer assistance, CD-ROMS, Textbooks, even
HYPNOSIS! Nothing worked.
Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided
to enroll their son in a private school. Not just ANY private
school, but a Catholic school. Nuns. Daily mass. The
whole shootin' match.
Well, the first day of school finally arrived, and dressed in
his salt-and-pepper cords and white wool dress shirt and
blue cardigan sweater, the youngster ventured out into the
great unknown. His mother and father were convinced they
were doing the right thing. They were both there waiting for
their son when he returned home.
And when he walked in with a stern, focused and very
determined expression on his face, they hoped they had
made the right choice. He walked right past them and went
straight to his room - and quietly closed the door.
For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room - with math
books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He
only emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning
his plate, he went straight back to his room, closed the door,
and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime.
This pattern continued ceaselessly until it was time for the
first quarter report card. After school, the boy walked into the
home with his report card - unopened - in his hand. Without
a word, he dropped the envelope on the family dinner table
and went straight to his room. His parents were petrified. What
lay inside the envelope? Success? Failure? DOOM?!?
Patiently, cautiously the mother opened the letter, and to her
amazement and joy, she saw a bright red "A" under the subject,
MATH. Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son's
room, thrilled at the remarkable progress of their young son!
"Was it the nuns that did it?", the father asked.
The boy only shook his head and said, "No."
"Was it the one-on-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?", asked
the mother.
Again, the boy shrugged, "No."
"The textbooks? The teacher? The curriculum?" asked the father.
"Nope," said the son. "It was all very clear to me from the very
first day of school that I had to work very hard."
"How's so?", asked his mom.
"When I walked into the lobby, and I saw that guy they'd nailed
to the plus sign, I knew that these folks in Catholic school
meant business!"