A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks
him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he
says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are
bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"
The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't
help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been
eating doughnuts?"
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"How To Beat A Speeding Ticket"
A Howard County Traffic Policeman recently stopped
a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He
asked the driver her name.
She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim
Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan
visiting my daughter in Columbia."
The cop put away his summons book and pen, and said,
"Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."
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"Top 21 Things Not To Say To A Cop When He Pulls You Over"
* I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
* Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't
plugged in.
* Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?
* Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me,
good job.
* I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape
to be a police officer.
* I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high
school instead.
* You're not going to check the trunk, are you?
* Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
* Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on COPS?
* Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my
girlfriend's night stand.
* Is it true that people become cops because they are too
dumb to work at McDonalds.
* I pay your salary
* So uh, you on the take or what?
* Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave
me a warning.
* Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one
of us does.
* I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are
no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
* What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the
trained specialist.
* Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my
gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake
and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
* Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44
magnum.
* Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity
searches?