Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Sun, 13 Dec 1998 05:55:19 -0500
"Ways To Annoy A Rommate At Christmas"
(For Morgan in L. A.)
1. Claim you were a Christmas tree in your former life.
If s/he tries to bring one into the room, scream bloody murder
and thrash on the floor.
2. Go to the mall with your roommate and sit on Santa's lap.
Refuse to get off.
3. Wear a Santa suit all the time. Deny you're wearing it.
4. Sit in a corner in the fetal position rocking back and forth
chanting, "Santa Claus is coming to town, Santa Claus is
coming to town..."
5. Hang mistletoe in the doorway. When your roommate
enters or leaves the room, plant a wet one on his/her lips.
6. Hang a stocking with your roommates name on it.
Collect coal and sharp objects in it. If s/he asks, say, "You've
been very naughty his year. "
7. Paint your nose red and wear antlers. Constantly
complain about how you never get to join in on the reindeer
games.
8. Make conversation out of Christmas Carols. (I. E.
"You know, I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath
the mistletoe last night.")
9. Wrap yourself in Christmas lights and roll around in
the snow.
10. Sing: "All I want for Christmas is my roommate's two
front teeth..."
11. Give your roommate the gifts from the twelve days of
Christmas song.
12. Build a snow person with your roommate and place
a hat on its head. When it doesn't come to life, cry hysterically:
"It didn't work!"
13. Whip your roommate screaming: "Now Dasher, now
Dancer, now Donner, and Blitzen, etc."
14. Tear down all your roommate's Christmas decorations
yelling, "Bah Humbug!"
15. Wake up every morning screaming, "Ghost of Christmas
Future, please have mercy on my soul!"
16. Tell your roommate you're moving out. Santa's buying
you a house on 34th Street.
17. Pin a poinsettia to your lapel.
18. Make anatomically correct gingerbread people and eat
the best parts first.
19. Put on a fake white beard and insist that all your
roommate's friends, "Give it a yank."
20. Ring jingle bells maniacally saying "every time a bell
rings an angel gets his wings."
21. Stand in front of the mirror in your underwear reciting,
"How the Grinch Stole Christmas" over and over.
22. Smoke mistletoe. Do what comes naturally.
23. Watch your roommate when s/he is sleeping. When
s/he wakes up, sing, "He sees you when you're sleeping..."
24. Steal a life size nativity scene and display it in your
room. When your roommate asks, tell him/her, "I had to
let them stay here, there's no room at the inn."
25. When your roommate goes to the bathroom, rearrange
his/her possessions. Tell him/her that Santa's elves must
have done it.
26. Take some miniature marshamallows and put them in
a little baggie. Attach a note to the bag that has a picture of
a snow man and this poem:
'You have been naughty, and here's the scoop:
All you get is the snowman's poop!'
Or you could have a picture of a reindeer with cocoa puffs
for reindeer poop for your roommate.
Now, if you want to be nice, on the other hand........
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Sun Dec 13 1998 - 09:00:02 EST