Unicorn (Unicorn@Indenial.com)
Sun, 13 Dec 1998 05:29:55 -0500
Clock definition: A small mechanical device to wake up
people without children.
LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*
"What The Year 2,000 Could Be Like...."
Your alarm clock rings on the first business day of the Year
2000, and you expect this day to be like any other. Always
the worrywart, you're staying off of airplanes and you
pulled your cash out of the bank, plus the IT department at
your company solved the millennium problem months ago.
But if the public agencies in your area haven't addressed
the Year 2000 glitch, you could be in for a surprise.
The following is, of course, an absolute worst-case
scenario, but parts of it could be coming to town near you
and are based on actual fears expressed by agencies across
the U.S.:
7 a.m. You wake up and hop in the shower. You notice a funny
smell. Obviously your local water agency's treatment
facility didn't fix the millennium bug.
8 a.m. You head for the subway, only to find that Y2K snafus
have halted trains for the day.
8:30 a.m. You return home to get your car and drive to work.
Red lights are flashing at all of the intersections
because the systems weren't Year 2000-compliant.
9 a.m. Somebody runs one of the flashing red lights in front
of you, crashing into another car. You get out to call
9-1-1, but the emergency system doesn't work.
10 a.m. You finally get to work and have a meeting with
partners in the new company you're starting. Unfortunately,
the state has lost its records on incorporated companies
and cannot process your request.
Noon. You go to lunch. It's your treat because your
companion didn't receive his social security check. You
hold your breath while the restaurant runs your credit
card - expiration date 9/00.
2 p.m. You head for the county hospital, where you've
scheduled a minor surgery. Things are in disarray because
medical devices have failed throughout the day.
4 p.m. The hospital, which has lost all of its appointments,
finally admits you. An embedded chip in the elevator
fails, and the assistants must drag you and your gurney up
the stairs.
6 p.m. You drive to the state college to check the grade for
a class you took last semester, the last of your pre-MBA
requirements. Unfortunately it's been lost, and there is no
record of you ever having taken the class.
7 p.m. You go home to call a friend and complain about your
day, but the telephone line is dead because the company
hasn't tackled the Year 2000 glitch.
But then again, maybe you won't experience any of it. If
your electric company isn't Year 2000-compliant, you might
sleep through your alarm.
<>*<>*<>*<>*<>* Quickie du Jour *<>*<>*<>*<>*<>
What did the digital clock say to its mother?
"Look Ma! No hands!"
<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>
"Expectant Times"
There was an expectant father who had spent quite some time
waiting for the offspring to arrive - at his in-laws place. He was
absolutely positive that his wife was going to present him with a
boy and wouldnt hear of anything else. As his leave balance
had gone into the red, he told his father-in-law,
"When my son comes, do not call up office and say that I have
become a father of a boy. Then I'll have to shell out a lot for
parties, etc. Just tell me that the clock has arrived. This will be
our code for the arrival of my son."
The offspring does arrive one day, but it's a daughter. The
father-in-law now thinks, "If I tell him that the clock has not
arrived, he'll misunderstand that some thing has happened to
the baby and come rushing over."
So he sends the message,
"The clock has arrived, but the pendulum is missing."
This archive was generated by hypermail 2.0b3 on Sun Dec 13 1998 - 09:00:01 EST