The reason it's always so difficult for this president to tell the
truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth is because it's
usually three different stories. --Sam Donaldson
If the president could convince every woman in America that
the Bible says oral sex is not adultery, he'd even have my vote.
--Newt Gingrich
What's wrong with extending my probe? The president did the
same thing. --Kenneth Starr
The special prosecutor is asking me to give oral testimony to
the entire Grand Jury. --Monica Lewinsky
Shouldn't the president be held to the same standards as a TV
sportscaster? --Marv Albert
The president should promise to spend the rest of his life trying
to find the real person who had oral sex with the intern.
--OJ Simpson
If I had to spend all day trying to find jobs for every bimbo who
swore she didn't have sex with the president, I'd never get any
of my own work done. --Vernon Jordan
Practicing safe sex in the Clinton White House means making
sure the door is locked. --George Stephanopoulos
The FBI reports less crime in the U.S. for the sixth straight year.
"It's no wonder," said one observer. "All of Clinton's business
associates are either dead or in prison already."
One thing's for sure about Clinton... He sure doesn't neglect
domestic affairs!
Is it true that.they are changing the name of the Virgin Islands
since Clinton' ha been there?
They should call the Clinton's White House the "New Left."
I mean, they're so far from being right about anything...
******************************************************************
"Top Clinton Defenses:" (Chris White of Top5, is this your stuff?)
8. Excuse me "Your Honor", but she was on top!
7. I didn't want people to confuse me with the Pope on TV.
6. She's not THAT young. In Arkansas, the age of consent
is only 16.
5. Hey, at least she's prettier than Paula Jones or Jennifer
Flowers.
4. I had to show the American People that I WASN'T
impotent for my second term in office.
3. I was jealous of Nixon with his 'Tricky Dick" nickname.
2. See I'm not a Lame duck. She said I was pretty GOOD!
AND for those of you who remember the famous "I didn't
inhale," comes the now soon to be famous #1 excuse.....
1. "I didn't insert..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Top Ten Names Clinton has for his you-know-what..."
10 The White House Staff
9 His Tiny Advisor
8 The Nuclear Button
7 The Executive Branch
6 The Little Pollster
5 His Soft Contribution
4 His Pocket Veto
3 The Secret Servicer
2 The Presidential Caucus
1 Little Rock
***************************************************************
"Department Of In-Justice One-Liners"
I. Clinton is the FIRST Commander-in-Chief who never
served in the Military.
II. Don't overtax yourself. That's Bill Clinton's job.
III. Clinton of Borg. Truth is irrelevant.
IV. INDECENT PROPOSAL: Clinton's budget.
V. Morals for sale, never used. Contact Bill Clinton at the
White House.
VI. NEWS! Clinton wins on budget, but more lies ahead.